Stuff

The Story
Every teenager dreams of the moment they will walk out the front door and see a new car. Well, when you are from Arkansas…it is a new truck you wait on. I don’t know how he paid for it or anything for that matter, but he always came through when it counted.
Just as sweet as the moment is when you sit in your first car, equally as sour is the moment you wait in the road after your first wreck.
The story is simple. I was traveling home with the windows down and enjoying the idea in my head that every person that passed wanted my truck and if they happened to be female, they sure did think that I looked good in my truck. I was moving towards the light and in the left turn lane. The car in front of me put on their blinker at the same time that I did. However, very quickly, they stopped to turn into the Wendy’s parking lot. I plowed straight into the back of the car.
I got out, making sure that everyone was fine, and they assured me that they were. I waited for the police to come as the man that I had hit began to give me looks that did not equal the grace given to the waitress a couple of chapters earlier. I stood there, we finished, and I went home.
I was very upset. There was minimal damage to my treasure, but I was not sure what the response was going to be when I entered the house. I will never forget what happened next.
As I walked in the house crying and waiting for the verbal lashing, Dad looked me straight in the eyes and said, “It is just a piece of metal son…I am glad that you are ok…we can fix trucks.” Oh the mercy. I deserved a verbal beating or at least I thought I needed one. Although is was an accident, I had been a bit careless. Nevertheless, it was mercy and a teaching moment for Dad.
To make matter worse, the lady in the back seat began experiencing “back pain.” The price they would sue a 16-year-old boy for would be the damages physical and emotional plus all my future earnings. That’s right, all my future earnings. Remember, this is just a few weeks into my new found freedom.
I was in the hallway when he called the family to inform of the situation. I told him that the ambulance had not been called to the scene and the woman walked away. She also reported to the police officer that she was fine. I felt awefull.
I had to answer a few sporadic questions here and there, but Dad did not hang the accident over my head while he was going through the legal stuff.
It was the complete opposite of what i was expecting. I thought the world was going to come to and end. He very quickly put into perspective that we were talking about a piece of metal. Yes I had made a mistake but the lesson was more important than the truck.

The Lesson
Now don’t get me wrong, we were very strict on the way we took care of our trucks. If we missed an oil change or negelected to wash it, Dad was the first to be all over us. This story is not about irresponsibility and how with stuff that is ok. There probably couldn’t be anything futher from the truth than the previous statement.
The point is, people are more important than our posessions. For some parents I have seen that is not the case at all. Growing up, the message I learned was, “yes we must take care of our things and be thankful that we have them, but they are not and never will be the most important things in our life.”
I had a life group leader that worked for me a couple of years ago. She has a very bad accident. She called me to come help because the wreck was around the corner from the church. When I got there, she asked to borrow my phone. She called her dad in tears. She begain to cry even more when he never asked if she was ok. He thought is would be a good time to lecture her about how she always drove to fast and was irresponsible. Those two things may have been true, but the timing was horrific. When she hung up the phone, she looked at me and said, “He has always cared more about this car than me.”

The Word.
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Matthew 5:21

The Application
You can say that your son or daughter are the most important thing the world. You can say it to them until you are blue in the face. However, what you communicate with your actions is what they really hear. What do you spend you time working on? What do you spend your time thinking about? What is your most prized posession? Does you son or daughter know they are more important than the answer that filled in those blanks?
Good news, if you have teenagers, you don’t have to wait long for them to mess something up! We all know that most of them are bulls in china cabinets. My advice...see the whole picture. Maybe it is time to teach your child that they are more important than any posession you own.

Marriage

The Story
I have been trying for over a year to think of one story that stand out for this chapter. There are too many stories so I will have to melt them together.
If he said it once...he said it a million times, “I can always have more sons….I only have one wife!” I am trying to remember a time when I was ever confused about the most important member of the Curry house, but I can’t! I think from day one, it was pounded in our heads that she was number one. Yes, he said it all the time. Yes, he said it to her when he thought we weren’t listening. Yes, he said it when he knew that we were listening just in case it was misunderstood, which it never was!
I think the reason it is hard to pick out a story is because he said it every day with his life! Most men have sarcastic things to say about their wives and make time for their buddies while putting their marriage on the back burner. Not my dad!
He spent time with her, bought her gifts, did projects for her, told her how beautiful and wonderful she was, and hugged her when he got off the planes. Never fake or forced, but just to let her know he missed her. Before anyone knew what “love languages” were, he spoke them all!
I was always amazed by how much time they spent together. I mean, none of my other friend’s parents spent that much time together. He never forgot an anniversary or a birthday and there was always a getaway for them.
Most men fail to love their wives the way that God intended because they have never seen it modeled. There was never any question in my mind the level of commitment that I was making to Courtney. I mean, how else was one supposed to love. From about the age of as long as my memory can go back to about 13, I can’t remember him ever buying anything big for himself. All the gifts were about mom or us. What a contradiction to the culture that we live in.
I don’t think that he will ever quit teaching this lesson. I will never forget this past Christmas as my wife and I watched the two fifty-year-olds jump around like kids when mom found out she was going back to Maui. Her face lit up! Her smile filled the room…especially when she opened her endless tanning package. He had thought of it all, but that was nothing new!
I never remember them getting in a fight., in front of us. I never remember them yelling at night. I never remember a harsh word to her. If he had never spoken at a camp, never led a church, never started a ministry in Kenya, never had sons, never done anything but love my mom the way he did, that would have put him in my Hall of Fame!

The Lesson
How else is your child supposed to learn what marriage looks like? How about a television marriage? Is that where they are getting their model? I am afraid that our generation will continue to follow the example laid out by their parents generation. You children imitate what they see. Do you want your children to give gifts...let the see you give. Do you want your children to show affection...let them see you show it. Do you want your children to learn how to handle confrontation and conflict...let them see how you handle it. I grew up saying what most teenager never say...I hope my marriage is just like my parents. It is very simple. You must get to the point where you realize that your parenting, marriage, and your life is not about you...it is about dying to yourself so that God can be glorified through every aspect of you life.

The Word
Colossians 3:18-19
Wives, understand and support you husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master. Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don’t take advantage of them.

The Application
Love your wife. Let your sons and daughters see you love your wife. I suggest picking up the book, “The Five Love Languages.” It will help you understand how to love your wife.
I have two daughters. I can spend my entire life teaching them what kind of man they should marry. When they are teenagers, I could say it until I am blue in the face and it will have little impact on them. However, if I begin to show them by being the kind of man they should marry, it will be burned in their hearts and minds. That is the application. Your children feel loved when you love your spouse and they learn how to love when you love your spouse. If you want to have a dramatic impact on your son or daughters’ marriage then have begin with your own!