The Story
I have been trying for over a year to think of one story that stand out for this chapter. There are too many stories so I will have to melt them together.
If he said it once...he said it a million times, “I can always have more sons….I only have one wife!” I am trying to remember a time when I was ever confused about the most important member of the Curry house, but I can’t! I think from day one, it was pounded in our heads that she was number one. Yes, he said it all the time. Yes, he said it to her when he thought we weren’t listening. Yes, he said it when he knew that we were listening just in case it was misunderstood, which it never was!
I think the reason it is hard to pick out a story is because he said it every day with his life! Most men have sarcastic things to say about their wives and make time for their buddies while putting their marriage on the back burner. Not my dad!
He spent time with her, bought her gifts, did projects for her, told her how beautiful and wonderful she was, and hugged her when he got off the planes. Never fake or forced, but just to let her know he missed her. Before anyone knew what “love languages” were, he spoke them all!
I was always amazed by how much time they spent together. I mean, none of my other friend’s parents spent that much time together. He never forgot an anniversary or a birthday and there was always a getaway for them.
Most men fail to love their wives the way that God intended because they have never seen it modeled. There was never any question in my mind the level of commitment that I was making to Courtney. I mean, how else was one supposed to love. From about the age of as long as my memory can go back to about 13, I can’t remember him ever buying anything big for himself. All the gifts were about mom or us. What a contradiction to the culture that we live in.
I don’t think that he will ever quit teaching this lesson. I will never forget this past Christmas as my wife and I watched the two fifty-year-olds jump around like kids when mom found out she was going back to Maui. Her face lit up! Her smile filled the room…especially when she opened her endless tanning package. He had thought of it all, but that was nothing new!
I never remember them getting in a fight., in front of us. I never remember them yelling at night. I never remember a harsh word to her. If he had never spoken at a camp, never led a church, never started a ministry in Kenya, never had sons, never done anything but love my mom the way he did, that would have put him in my Hall of Fame!
The Lesson
How else is your child supposed to learn what marriage looks like? How about a television marriage? Is that where they are getting their model? I am afraid that our generation will continue to follow the example laid out by their parents generation. You children imitate what they see. Do you want your children to give gifts...let the see you give. Do you want your children to show affection...let them see you show it. Do you want your children to learn how to handle confrontation and conflict...let them see how you handle it. I grew up saying what most teenager never say...I hope my marriage is just like my parents. It is very simple. You must get to the point where you realize that your parenting, marriage, and your life is not about you...it is about dying to yourself so that God can be glorified through every aspect of you life.
The Word
Colossians 3:18-19
Wives, understand and support you husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master. Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don’t take advantage of them.
The Application
Love your wife. Let your sons and daughters see you love your wife. I suggest picking up the book, “The Five Love Languages.” It will help you understand how to love your wife.
I have two daughters. I can spend my entire life teaching them what kind of man they should marry. When they are teenagers, I could say it until I am blue in the face and it will have little impact on them. However, if I begin to show them by being the kind of man they should marry, it will be burned in their hearts and minds. That is the application. Your children feel loved when you love your spouse and they learn how to love when you love your spouse. If you want to have a dramatic impact on your son or daughters’ marriage then have begin with your own!
1 comment:
Great post Jason. I have read the book The Five Love Languages and was helped by it. David Powlison offers a very interesting and inciteful critique of it here. I was most edified by your admiration and awe of your fathers love for your mother and how that influenced you. As a parent myself, THAT is what is all about. I couldn't agree more that our children imitate (in most cases) what they see from their parents; and so thanks for first hand peek into your experiences and sharing how those experiences have shaped you.
I love these verses from Ephesians regarding how a husband should love his wife:
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church"
I read a great example of this exact thing being played out in Wayne Grudem's life... check it out if you want.
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